Moley
03-06-2004, 01:08 AM
By popular request(one person), I'll post a recap of this week's Apprentice here. This was the best episode yet of a series which is becoming my favorite. Enjoy. :mrgreen:
Last time on a Bridge over Doubled Water....
Donald Dump introduced his branding of the water we drink. Next time it will be the air we breathe. Dump Oxygen. Oops, another billionaire owns Oxygen. Maybe Dump will reach higher for Ozone. The teams were challenged to sell the most Dump Ice. With Boy Troy leading the pack, Dohtege tromped on Mercycorps and sent them to their boardroom spanking. Earacha, wanting to protect Girlfriend Kartoona, hauled Snick and Million Dollar Bill into the Dumpster with her. Only she never came out of the Dumpster. Mr. Dump hated decisions based on emotions and he felt Kartoona's absence was an emotional decision. Earacha, you're fired.
As this week commences, Kartoona is telling Dohtege how she feels Mercycorps is a team divided and the men are just not fair to the women who would like to stab them in the back, but the men keep defending themselves. No fair! While Kartoona holds court, Ohmyhead is door watching. When Snick and Mill Bill walk in, Ohmyhead screams louder than someone who had just been hit on the head with a chunk o Cee-ment. Kartoona's face tells it all when she realizes her best bud went to Loser Purgatory by sparing her. She listens as Mill Bill says it got ugly. Earacha wouldn't even shake his hand. Snick rubs it in by saying had Kartoona been in Mill Bill's place, Snick himself would have been fired, 100%(as if there is like an 85% firing). He also grinds the salt into the wound a bit more by noting that it bothered him Earacha didn't shake Mill Bill's hand. "Me, I don't care, but Mill's a nice guy." I'm not sure Snick is meaning to compliment Mill with that one.
The Art of the Deal
The troops are ordered to the steps of the Metropolitan Museum. Dressed in their finest business gear, they assemble with a team of 5 facing a team of 3. Dump says Versacorps was clobbered, so he rewards them by letting them raid Dohtege for a fourth member. Without hesitation, the team captain, Snick, goes for Yayme, his reminder of dear old Mom. Dump shakes his head in open disgust. He thinks they didn't think that one through. "Don't you think you are giving Amy a little too much power?" Trump rebukes. Mill Bill nods resignedly and says, "Absolutely." Trump goes on with his rebuke, "I would have never chosen Amy. Maybe what you are telling me is I should give her the job righ now." Kartoona casts side eyes at that. She knows she is on her way out or she might have dressed in better business attire than a Go Ahead and Fire Me silk blouse and casual slacks. Amy smiles broadly until she hears Dump say, "I think that's a mistake." Her smile fades into a bit of a dirty look toward Dump. But he quickly moves on before Amy's power glance can strike him down off the Met's steps.
Dump explains the task ahead. The teams are to select from a group of artists which he overpraises as talented and brilliant. They are then to take the work of their choice to a gallery and sell the paintings. The team with the most dollars wins. He warns them that art is subjective so their choice is critical. "There is no set market value, so you really need to think this one through."
Qualmy is the project leader for the Dohtege foursome. He presages the competition by saying that the choice of the artist will be all critical. We then see Dohtege meeting their first prospect, Giles. Boy asks him to repeat his name, which sounds phonetically like Jyles. Immediately there is a cut to beauty pageant speaker, Ohmyhead, who pronounces Giles name with the 'g' sounding like the hard 'g' in "girl," Guiles. She smilingly says that Guiles had a "different edge" to his art. Cut back to Guiles and Dohtege. The artist explains that his splatter work has something in it. Do they want to touch it? It is his hair! And toenails! And heaven only knows what else was under those globs of dried paint. Boy isn't touching one mound. He breaks out into the laughter of "You must be kidding me," that only someone who didnt see the Emperor's Clothes could do. But Ohmyhead is touching and gushing. "I've been here for ten minutes and already connected with your work." She must have gotten a Guiles armpit hair caught in a hangnail.
Mercycorps' Snick and Kartoona have arrived to assess Yawndre's work. Yawndre never gets above the energy level of someone who has slept 2 hours and has no coffee left. Or he could be stoned. He describes his art as nature based, but I didn't see any trees or nice waterfalls in them. Not even a nice panda in the background. Kartoona loves it though and Snick is impressed that Yawndre can explain his work even while he is sleeping standing up. The rest of Mercycorps, Yayme and Mill Bill are looking at the work of a woman who takes "snapshots" of her life and then paints them. Yayme likes dispLeah's art a lot and thinks it will sell. At least it looks like something. It wasn't Elvis on black velvet, but these are just beginners afterall. I did pause at Mill Bill, up until now my personal favorite. He described dispLeah as a "cute little Italian girl." Uh oh, I hope he doesn't use that kind of patronizing phrasing in front of Caddyshack Carolyn.
And now we meet our final artiste, Whackann. Whackann looks like a librarian, but venture into her little house of horrors. Among dead animal heads on the walls are these grotesque paintings featuring little girls she calls twin sisters Psyche and Smut. She also mentions frogs and their concubines. At which point Boy ekes out a weak, "Ah," which could have been the beginning of a sentence, "Ahm gonna be sick." Heidi, who admittedly knows nothing of art, likes it all even though she is also creeped out by it. I guess it is kinda like a fondness for the Friday the 13th movies. You can't stop watching Jason, even though you hope you never meet him in real life. Boy thinks Whackann is the one. Why? Because her work is priced at $4000 each while the other artists' average price is only 1500 bucks. Boy, Boy, have you learned nothing from your surfing for good waders on Ebay? Just because an item is overpriced, doesn't mean we have to bid on it. I hear the violins screeching the soundtrack from Psycho in my head as I fear their decision.
http://www.warpart.co.nz/kitsch/images/elvis.jpg
Now this is art.
You've Gotta Believe
My worst fears are realized when Qualmy brings his MBAness to the forefront and starts talking about Whackann's work as advantageous in terms of "price points." My marketing darling hubby turns to me and harumphs, "You tell me why they have to say 'price point' instead of just the word price.' It's so....(he pauses to grasp for the right word like maybe 'pretentious' or 'cliche-ridden')." I have my own word for 'price points.' It's so.....mock-worthy!
This is the place in the show where Dump gives us 'advice points.' He has the wisdom of the week following the pretty delayed title of tonight's episode, "You've Gotta Believe." He says you have to believe in what you are selling, be excited about it. "If you don't really believe in what you are selling, it never works. You will never sell and you're going to be miserable."
Back to Dohtege's True Believers, Project Manager Qualmy, now adopting the name of Whyme and his snobby art adviser Ohmyhead. Ohmyhead succeeds in taking both sides of their narrowed choices between Whackann and dispLeah. Nosirree, the manicured finger of blame can't be pointed at her when both her decisions will be right. Whyme decides to go with the risk and take Price Points Club Whackann. She has 20 works overpriced around 4 thou apiece. If they sell only a few, they can beat the bargain basement options of Mercycorps.
Mercycorps is divided. Mill and Yayme are enthusiastic for dispLeah, but Snick has a gut on this one. He likes Yawndre and the voting is closed. Two to one, with his vote being one, but the Pope of Selling's One out trumps all others. Can we pick Leah or is too late, Mill wonders. "Too late, it's done," says Snick with great force. Mill and Yayme have a sick feeling, but they don't push it.
Be the Beret
It is time to get the gallery exhibits up and going. Ohmyhead adorns her ohmyhead with an artiste beret. If only Sam could see her now as Ohmyhead becomes the Beret. She totally wallows in the pretense of being in the art world. This is in sharp contrast to Boy and HeideHo who look in wonder and confusion at this strange artist's work. Heideho asks Whackann to explain why the faces are bloody in one picture. She listens to the explanation with a look on her face as if she had just been introduced to Hannibal Lecter. Heideho and Ohmyhead beat feet for some chow and Ohmyhead decides she must have a nice sitdown lunch over Heideho's suggestion of takeout deli. Heid is not happy that she is facing maybe a two hour sitdown with Missy Prissy Know it Art. They fight bitterly over sit or no sit. Ohmyhead adopts the insulting tone with Heid and Heid lets fly the swear words. I heard more high censor beeps in that segment than the piccolo finale in Stars and Stripes Forever. Ohmyhead says to her Pageant Cam, "She has a trash mouth....but look at the source." Ohmyhead is on the phone tattling on HeideHo and complaining about her head. Boy does a falsetto imitation of Ohmyhead. "It's my head and if I don't get some catered service pretty quick, I'm calling the President." Boy gained bonus points from me for that one.
The Night of the Living Undead Kitty
Showtime! Mercycorps is displaying in Gallery Vietnam. They brought in some appealing eats. Mill is looking nervous and fearing that the first hour is like an empty cave with the rustling of only a few bats overhead. Nick is worried, too, but he is determined to not come unnerved. He strikes a pose of confidence. As the evening continues, we see the gallery filling and Mercycorps is selling! Bill, Yayme and Snick all speak enthusiastically about the work. You see one painting after another go into the Cha-Ching column.
At the Anthem gallery, the camera shot of the eats roughly resembles Whackann's bloody faces pictures. Caddyshack Carolyn notices the messy food table with a look of euwww. Poor Boy is talking to one guy and gives him a little desperate spiel ending with, "She is amazing." The guy turns his head as if to look for someone who might fit that description. Heideho and Boy are "fish out of water" according to Ohmyhead. She may be right on this one. Heideho tour guides one patron over to what she refers to as a "toilet tank." She does the 'oopsie' gesture when she hears Whackann later tell a group, "This is a cast iron fireplace cover."
http://www.geringgallery.com/2000/boodyjpgs/PsycheSeesweb.jpg
Opposite the toilet tank is hanging one of the Psyche and Smut series. I'll take the toilet tank.
Smelling the stench of no sales, the gallery owner takes Dohtege aside and tells them they have to communicate more. Ohmyhead finally grabs the cheapest item in the joint and talks it to death. That is most fitting considering the subject of the art was a taxidermist's kitty, Whackann being unsure if it was stuffed or living when she captured its essence and twisted it into one of her works. From the Price Points Pinnacle came the whopping price of $869. Were there more sales? Did anyone clean up the Autopsy of the Grapes table? We find out in the boardroom.
An Audience with the Pope
Four by four Dohtege and Mercycorps march in. Dump starts out by asking trick questions. How did they select their artists? Snick said he went with his gut. He liked Yawndre and made the decision. Mill and Yayme even admitted their doubts. "Were you happy with your artist? Dump asks them. Yayme says after the decision was made they all were extremely happy with the artist. Mercycorps nods enthusiastically and gets behind Snick's choice.
When Whyme is faced with the same question, he admits they never really liked Whackann's work. But she had a huge fan following and they thought it might gain them the dollars advantage. My hubby squirmed as the phrase "price points" came up again and again. Then the deternining price points were read aloud. Caddyshack Carolyn read off the take for Yawndre's work. 8 pieces were sold for a total of $13,600. Old Dude George remarked it was the first time he saw Snick smile. Then Old Dude read off Dohtege's price pointless. All they sold was the undead kitty pic. $869. Thud. Wow, said Dump with the accent on the "ow." He then gave his You Gotta Believe lecture. He pointed out Mercycorps believed in their artist and creamed a team who didn't really like theirs but thought it could gain a price advantage.
Dump turned to Snick and gave out the cheapest reward to date. This billionaire knows how to save the bucks. He said Snick alone would get "ten minutes with me." The peons are dismissed and Dump gets to have his audience with the Pope of Sales, Snick. Dump likes Snick a lot and lets him know it. I think Snick reminds him of himself when he was starting out. Snick asked him what he was looking for in a young executive. Dump replied "energy." And he complimented Snick on his. Snick also asked who Dump's mentor was. Big bonus points from me for Dump's answer of his father. Then Snick, who had asked two great questions, asked for a look around the Apartment of the Gilded Gee-Gaws. That was a smart move, too. Dump loves to show off. Bet you didn't know that! :lol: Dump concludes their meeting by saying Snick will go far and Snick closed out with "My main goal is to be working with you."
A Really, Really, Really Happy Ending
Back in the Dump Dormitory, Heideho is talking to her Mom while Ohmyhead is letting Mill know all the faults of her teammates. She disses Boy's contribution as being nothing more than carrying in food and mopping the floor. Hey! I do that at home. Watch your mouth, Plaster Pate! She says Whyme just better not select her for the boardroom because she might have to "eat my brother up." Mill is nodding but looking like he is really thinking of baseball scores and just hoping Ohmyhead finishes soon.
Dohtege faces the tribunal. We've had some disasters, but this is the worst, frowns Dump. Whyme is very calm about it and said he took a calculated risk and it didn't pay off. Whyme admits Ohmyhead was the only voice against selecting this artist. Dump commends her for that and Heideho rolls her eyes in disdain. Ohmyhead smirks. Dump gives them a story on how a guy got rich buying Chrysler stock because he liked the look of the new cars. He then expresses astonishment that this team went for an artist whose look they didn't care for. Ohmyhead rubs it in that in her heart she knew they would fail with this artist. Somewhere Whammy is ringing the Disloyalty Gong and demanding to know why no one is paying attention to it this time.
Old George pipes up that he thinks the artist choice was moot. There was so much dissension on this team, they wouldn't have won with any of the artists. The fight with HeideHo and Ohmyhead comes up. Ohmyhead says in her smooth, low talker, smug voice, "Can I interrupt? I've been walking around for a week with a concussion(call the New England Journal of Medicine! Most concussions can't walk like that!) and I needed a moment which I asked you for. And deHo ignored me."
Dump once more rings up the Moley bonus points. "You were hit on the head with a little piece of plaster." He said plaster has hit him many times, which explains a lot about his choice of hair styles. He goes on to be very disdainful of her wanting to take a lunch break instead of working. Ohmyhead goes into instant victim mode. She tears up and asks him if he is implying she is lazy. No, no, Donald, let me say it! Let me! I know lazy! Ohmyhead goes condescending on the Dumper: "I'm sorry, I didn't know I was going to be attacked for getting hit on the head." Slap her! Let her know what a real smack upside the head feels like! Okay, that is wrong, but my brain made me type that.
Dump pursues Ohmyhead's using the head injury card as an excuse. He asks Whyme if Ohmyhead uses excuses. Whyme responds that he thinks at times Ohmyhead exaggerates. See the word, "concussion." Whyme is asked who he will take with him to the final tribunal. He replies that he always compares everyone to his star, Boy. No one mopped as well as he, so the ladies have to go and Boy gets to ascend to the Dormitory. Ohmyhead falls into Whyme's consoling arms and squeals like a dying parakeet. "My head has been killing me. And I've tried so hard." Salty tears are all over Whyme. She must have wanted to season him before she proceeded to "eat my brother up" in the boardroom.
What happens next is nervy even for Ohmyhead. She marches back into the boardroom and starts in tearfully about her head to Dump before his viceroys can get a word out in private. Dump is steamed, "Ohmyhead, I didn't call for you yet!" he shouts. She goes on because she never listens to anyone. He just mutters, "Everyone's got problems. Life is full of problems." He gives a little knowing glance to Heideho whose eyeroll now resembles the Big Slots at Caesar's. I keep expecting for a row of 7's to appear across her forehead.
The boardroom is now a wreck because Whyme and Heid followed Ohmyhead in. Dump seems resigned they can go ahead. So now that she is permitted to be back in there, she leaves them all to wait on her! :shock: She has to go get a tissue. The drama. We all know what is going to happen at this point. The surprise is gone. All that remains is for Whyme and Heid to give the Dumper an out. They do. Whyme stands by his decision to take a risk, looking all manly and decisive. Heid admits her use of the "f-bomb" which cracks Caddyshack Carolyn up. She also says she wasn't against a lunch break, but in New York, a sitdown break could take much longer than 25 minutes. George asks Heid to make a decision was Ohmyhead good or not good. Not good. And good on Heid for also looking decisive.
Dump makes his final pronouncements. He tells Heid she drives people nuts. He understands Whyme's taking a risk, because he's taken plenty. But he doesn't like excuses. He didn't like the fighting over lunch but he didn't like the excuse behind it even more. In this case, Ohmyhead has to go. Ohmyhead draws herself up to her best Queen of De-Nile pose. She thanks Trump. Not. Gives him the Glare of Voodoo Death and leaves. Heidi mumbles a quick, "I'll stop driving you nuts" to Dump and makes him smile. Dump tells his viceroys that Ohmyhead has a yuuuge chip on her shoulder. "I was a little tough with her, but she's always making excuses."
http://www.nbc.com/nbc/The_Apprentice/images/imgs_contestants/omarosa_player.jpg
What have we learned to date? Always stick up for yourself. Never beg. Know your customer. Believe in your product. Be loyal. No excuses. And never, ever walk around for two weeks with a concussion. You just might blurt out something you will regret. Buh-bye, Ohmyhead. Personal injury lawyers across the country are hiding under their beds and hoping you won't call.
Until next we mock. :wave:
Last time on a Bridge over Doubled Water....
Donald Dump introduced his branding of the water we drink. Next time it will be the air we breathe. Dump Oxygen. Oops, another billionaire owns Oxygen. Maybe Dump will reach higher for Ozone. The teams were challenged to sell the most Dump Ice. With Boy Troy leading the pack, Dohtege tromped on Mercycorps and sent them to their boardroom spanking. Earacha, wanting to protect Girlfriend Kartoona, hauled Snick and Million Dollar Bill into the Dumpster with her. Only she never came out of the Dumpster. Mr. Dump hated decisions based on emotions and he felt Kartoona's absence was an emotional decision. Earacha, you're fired.
As this week commences, Kartoona is telling Dohtege how she feels Mercycorps is a team divided and the men are just not fair to the women who would like to stab them in the back, but the men keep defending themselves. No fair! While Kartoona holds court, Ohmyhead is door watching. When Snick and Mill Bill walk in, Ohmyhead screams louder than someone who had just been hit on the head with a chunk o Cee-ment. Kartoona's face tells it all when she realizes her best bud went to Loser Purgatory by sparing her. She listens as Mill Bill says it got ugly. Earacha wouldn't even shake his hand. Snick rubs it in by saying had Kartoona been in Mill Bill's place, Snick himself would have been fired, 100%(as if there is like an 85% firing). He also grinds the salt into the wound a bit more by noting that it bothered him Earacha didn't shake Mill Bill's hand. "Me, I don't care, but Mill's a nice guy." I'm not sure Snick is meaning to compliment Mill with that one.
The Art of the Deal
The troops are ordered to the steps of the Metropolitan Museum. Dressed in their finest business gear, they assemble with a team of 5 facing a team of 3. Dump says Versacorps was clobbered, so he rewards them by letting them raid Dohtege for a fourth member. Without hesitation, the team captain, Snick, goes for Yayme, his reminder of dear old Mom. Dump shakes his head in open disgust. He thinks they didn't think that one through. "Don't you think you are giving Amy a little too much power?" Trump rebukes. Mill Bill nods resignedly and says, "Absolutely." Trump goes on with his rebuke, "I would have never chosen Amy. Maybe what you are telling me is I should give her the job righ now." Kartoona casts side eyes at that. She knows she is on her way out or she might have dressed in better business attire than a Go Ahead and Fire Me silk blouse and casual slacks. Amy smiles broadly until she hears Dump say, "I think that's a mistake." Her smile fades into a bit of a dirty look toward Dump. But he quickly moves on before Amy's power glance can strike him down off the Met's steps.
Dump explains the task ahead. The teams are to select from a group of artists which he overpraises as talented and brilliant. They are then to take the work of their choice to a gallery and sell the paintings. The team with the most dollars wins. He warns them that art is subjective so their choice is critical. "There is no set market value, so you really need to think this one through."
Qualmy is the project leader for the Dohtege foursome. He presages the competition by saying that the choice of the artist will be all critical. We then see Dohtege meeting their first prospect, Giles. Boy asks him to repeat his name, which sounds phonetically like Jyles. Immediately there is a cut to beauty pageant speaker, Ohmyhead, who pronounces Giles name with the 'g' sounding like the hard 'g' in "girl," Guiles. She smilingly says that Guiles had a "different edge" to his art. Cut back to Guiles and Dohtege. The artist explains that his splatter work has something in it. Do they want to touch it? It is his hair! And toenails! And heaven only knows what else was under those globs of dried paint. Boy isn't touching one mound. He breaks out into the laughter of "You must be kidding me," that only someone who didnt see the Emperor's Clothes could do. But Ohmyhead is touching and gushing. "I've been here for ten minutes and already connected with your work." She must have gotten a Guiles armpit hair caught in a hangnail.
Mercycorps' Snick and Kartoona have arrived to assess Yawndre's work. Yawndre never gets above the energy level of someone who has slept 2 hours and has no coffee left. Or he could be stoned. He describes his art as nature based, but I didn't see any trees or nice waterfalls in them. Not even a nice panda in the background. Kartoona loves it though and Snick is impressed that Yawndre can explain his work even while he is sleeping standing up. The rest of Mercycorps, Yayme and Mill Bill are looking at the work of a woman who takes "snapshots" of her life and then paints them. Yayme likes dispLeah's art a lot and thinks it will sell. At least it looks like something. It wasn't Elvis on black velvet, but these are just beginners afterall. I did pause at Mill Bill, up until now my personal favorite. He described dispLeah as a "cute little Italian girl." Uh oh, I hope he doesn't use that kind of patronizing phrasing in front of Caddyshack Carolyn.
And now we meet our final artiste, Whackann. Whackann looks like a librarian, but venture into her little house of horrors. Among dead animal heads on the walls are these grotesque paintings featuring little girls she calls twin sisters Psyche and Smut. She also mentions frogs and their concubines. At which point Boy ekes out a weak, "Ah," which could have been the beginning of a sentence, "Ahm gonna be sick." Heidi, who admittedly knows nothing of art, likes it all even though she is also creeped out by it. I guess it is kinda like a fondness for the Friday the 13th movies. You can't stop watching Jason, even though you hope you never meet him in real life. Boy thinks Whackann is the one. Why? Because her work is priced at $4000 each while the other artists' average price is only 1500 bucks. Boy, Boy, have you learned nothing from your surfing for good waders on Ebay? Just because an item is overpriced, doesn't mean we have to bid on it. I hear the violins screeching the soundtrack from Psycho in my head as I fear their decision.
http://www.warpart.co.nz/kitsch/images/elvis.jpg
Now this is art.
You've Gotta Believe
My worst fears are realized when Qualmy brings his MBAness to the forefront and starts talking about Whackann's work as advantageous in terms of "price points." My marketing darling hubby turns to me and harumphs, "You tell me why they have to say 'price point' instead of just the word price.' It's so....(he pauses to grasp for the right word like maybe 'pretentious' or 'cliche-ridden')." I have my own word for 'price points.' It's so.....mock-worthy!
This is the place in the show where Dump gives us 'advice points.' He has the wisdom of the week following the pretty delayed title of tonight's episode, "You've Gotta Believe." He says you have to believe in what you are selling, be excited about it. "If you don't really believe in what you are selling, it never works. You will never sell and you're going to be miserable."
Back to Dohtege's True Believers, Project Manager Qualmy, now adopting the name of Whyme and his snobby art adviser Ohmyhead. Ohmyhead succeeds in taking both sides of their narrowed choices between Whackann and dispLeah. Nosirree, the manicured finger of blame can't be pointed at her when both her decisions will be right. Whyme decides to go with the risk and take Price Points Club Whackann. She has 20 works overpriced around 4 thou apiece. If they sell only a few, they can beat the bargain basement options of Mercycorps.
Mercycorps is divided. Mill and Yayme are enthusiastic for dispLeah, but Snick has a gut on this one. He likes Yawndre and the voting is closed. Two to one, with his vote being one, but the Pope of Selling's One out trumps all others. Can we pick Leah or is too late, Mill wonders. "Too late, it's done," says Snick with great force. Mill and Yayme have a sick feeling, but they don't push it.
Be the Beret
It is time to get the gallery exhibits up and going. Ohmyhead adorns her ohmyhead with an artiste beret. If only Sam could see her now as Ohmyhead becomes the Beret. She totally wallows in the pretense of being in the art world. This is in sharp contrast to Boy and HeideHo who look in wonder and confusion at this strange artist's work. Heideho asks Whackann to explain why the faces are bloody in one picture. She listens to the explanation with a look on her face as if she had just been introduced to Hannibal Lecter. Heideho and Ohmyhead beat feet for some chow and Ohmyhead decides she must have a nice sitdown lunch over Heideho's suggestion of takeout deli. Heid is not happy that she is facing maybe a two hour sitdown with Missy Prissy Know it Art. They fight bitterly over sit or no sit. Ohmyhead adopts the insulting tone with Heid and Heid lets fly the swear words. I heard more high censor beeps in that segment than the piccolo finale in Stars and Stripes Forever. Ohmyhead says to her Pageant Cam, "She has a trash mouth....but look at the source." Ohmyhead is on the phone tattling on HeideHo and complaining about her head. Boy does a falsetto imitation of Ohmyhead. "It's my head and if I don't get some catered service pretty quick, I'm calling the President." Boy gained bonus points from me for that one.
The Night of the Living Undead Kitty
Showtime! Mercycorps is displaying in Gallery Vietnam. They brought in some appealing eats. Mill is looking nervous and fearing that the first hour is like an empty cave with the rustling of only a few bats overhead. Nick is worried, too, but he is determined to not come unnerved. He strikes a pose of confidence. As the evening continues, we see the gallery filling and Mercycorps is selling! Bill, Yayme and Snick all speak enthusiastically about the work. You see one painting after another go into the Cha-Ching column.
At the Anthem gallery, the camera shot of the eats roughly resembles Whackann's bloody faces pictures. Caddyshack Carolyn notices the messy food table with a look of euwww. Poor Boy is talking to one guy and gives him a little desperate spiel ending with, "She is amazing." The guy turns his head as if to look for someone who might fit that description. Heideho and Boy are "fish out of water" according to Ohmyhead. She may be right on this one. Heideho tour guides one patron over to what she refers to as a "toilet tank." She does the 'oopsie' gesture when she hears Whackann later tell a group, "This is a cast iron fireplace cover."
http://www.geringgallery.com/2000/boodyjpgs/PsycheSeesweb.jpg
Opposite the toilet tank is hanging one of the Psyche and Smut series. I'll take the toilet tank.
Smelling the stench of no sales, the gallery owner takes Dohtege aside and tells them they have to communicate more. Ohmyhead finally grabs the cheapest item in the joint and talks it to death. That is most fitting considering the subject of the art was a taxidermist's kitty, Whackann being unsure if it was stuffed or living when she captured its essence and twisted it into one of her works. From the Price Points Pinnacle came the whopping price of $869. Were there more sales? Did anyone clean up the Autopsy of the Grapes table? We find out in the boardroom.
An Audience with the Pope
Four by four Dohtege and Mercycorps march in. Dump starts out by asking trick questions. How did they select their artists? Snick said he went with his gut. He liked Yawndre and made the decision. Mill and Yayme even admitted their doubts. "Were you happy with your artist? Dump asks them. Yayme says after the decision was made they all were extremely happy with the artist. Mercycorps nods enthusiastically and gets behind Snick's choice.
When Whyme is faced with the same question, he admits they never really liked Whackann's work. But she had a huge fan following and they thought it might gain them the dollars advantage. My hubby squirmed as the phrase "price points" came up again and again. Then the deternining price points were read aloud. Caddyshack Carolyn read off the take for Yawndre's work. 8 pieces were sold for a total of $13,600. Old Dude George remarked it was the first time he saw Snick smile. Then Old Dude read off Dohtege's price pointless. All they sold was the undead kitty pic. $869. Thud. Wow, said Dump with the accent on the "ow." He then gave his You Gotta Believe lecture. He pointed out Mercycorps believed in their artist and creamed a team who didn't really like theirs but thought it could gain a price advantage.
Dump turned to Snick and gave out the cheapest reward to date. This billionaire knows how to save the bucks. He said Snick alone would get "ten minutes with me." The peons are dismissed and Dump gets to have his audience with the Pope of Sales, Snick. Dump likes Snick a lot and lets him know it. I think Snick reminds him of himself when he was starting out. Snick asked him what he was looking for in a young executive. Dump replied "energy." And he complimented Snick on his. Snick also asked who Dump's mentor was. Big bonus points from me for Dump's answer of his father. Then Snick, who had asked two great questions, asked for a look around the Apartment of the Gilded Gee-Gaws. That was a smart move, too. Dump loves to show off. Bet you didn't know that! :lol: Dump concludes their meeting by saying Snick will go far and Snick closed out with "My main goal is to be working with you."
A Really, Really, Really Happy Ending
Back in the Dump Dormitory, Heideho is talking to her Mom while Ohmyhead is letting Mill know all the faults of her teammates. She disses Boy's contribution as being nothing more than carrying in food and mopping the floor. Hey! I do that at home. Watch your mouth, Plaster Pate! She says Whyme just better not select her for the boardroom because she might have to "eat my brother up." Mill is nodding but looking like he is really thinking of baseball scores and just hoping Ohmyhead finishes soon.
Dohtege faces the tribunal. We've had some disasters, but this is the worst, frowns Dump. Whyme is very calm about it and said he took a calculated risk and it didn't pay off. Whyme admits Ohmyhead was the only voice against selecting this artist. Dump commends her for that and Heideho rolls her eyes in disdain. Ohmyhead smirks. Dump gives them a story on how a guy got rich buying Chrysler stock because he liked the look of the new cars. He then expresses astonishment that this team went for an artist whose look they didn't care for. Ohmyhead rubs it in that in her heart she knew they would fail with this artist. Somewhere Whammy is ringing the Disloyalty Gong and demanding to know why no one is paying attention to it this time.
Old George pipes up that he thinks the artist choice was moot. There was so much dissension on this team, they wouldn't have won with any of the artists. The fight with HeideHo and Ohmyhead comes up. Ohmyhead says in her smooth, low talker, smug voice, "Can I interrupt? I've been walking around for a week with a concussion(call the New England Journal of Medicine! Most concussions can't walk like that!) and I needed a moment which I asked you for. And deHo ignored me."
Dump once more rings up the Moley bonus points. "You were hit on the head with a little piece of plaster." He said plaster has hit him many times, which explains a lot about his choice of hair styles. He goes on to be very disdainful of her wanting to take a lunch break instead of working. Ohmyhead goes into instant victim mode. She tears up and asks him if he is implying she is lazy. No, no, Donald, let me say it! Let me! I know lazy! Ohmyhead goes condescending on the Dumper: "I'm sorry, I didn't know I was going to be attacked for getting hit on the head." Slap her! Let her know what a real smack upside the head feels like! Okay, that is wrong, but my brain made me type that.
Dump pursues Ohmyhead's using the head injury card as an excuse. He asks Whyme if Ohmyhead uses excuses. Whyme responds that he thinks at times Ohmyhead exaggerates. See the word, "concussion." Whyme is asked who he will take with him to the final tribunal. He replies that he always compares everyone to his star, Boy. No one mopped as well as he, so the ladies have to go and Boy gets to ascend to the Dormitory. Ohmyhead falls into Whyme's consoling arms and squeals like a dying parakeet. "My head has been killing me. And I've tried so hard." Salty tears are all over Whyme. She must have wanted to season him before she proceeded to "eat my brother up" in the boardroom.
What happens next is nervy even for Ohmyhead. She marches back into the boardroom and starts in tearfully about her head to Dump before his viceroys can get a word out in private. Dump is steamed, "Ohmyhead, I didn't call for you yet!" he shouts. She goes on because she never listens to anyone. He just mutters, "Everyone's got problems. Life is full of problems." He gives a little knowing glance to Heideho whose eyeroll now resembles the Big Slots at Caesar's. I keep expecting for a row of 7's to appear across her forehead.
The boardroom is now a wreck because Whyme and Heid followed Ohmyhead in. Dump seems resigned they can go ahead. So now that she is permitted to be back in there, she leaves them all to wait on her! :shock: She has to go get a tissue. The drama. We all know what is going to happen at this point. The surprise is gone. All that remains is for Whyme and Heid to give the Dumper an out. They do. Whyme stands by his decision to take a risk, looking all manly and decisive. Heid admits her use of the "f-bomb" which cracks Caddyshack Carolyn up. She also says she wasn't against a lunch break, but in New York, a sitdown break could take much longer than 25 minutes. George asks Heid to make a decision was Ohmyhead good or not good. Not good. And good on Heid for also looking decisive.
Dump makes his final pronouncements. He tells Heid she drives people nuts. He understands Whyme's taking a risk, because he's taken plenty. But he doesn't like excuses. He didn't like the fighting over lunch but he didn't like the excuse behind it even more. In this case, Ohmyhead has to go. Ohmyhead draws herself up to her best Queen of De-Nile pose. She thanks Trump. Not. Gives him the Glare of Voodoo Death and leaves. Heidi mumbles a quick, "I'll stop driving you nuts" to Dump and makes him smile. Dump tells his viceroys that Ohmyhead has a yuuuge chip on her shoulder. "I was a little tough with her, but she's always making excuses."
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What have we learned to date? Always stick up for yourself. Never beg. Know your customer. Believe in your product. Be loyal. No excuses. And never, ever walk around for two weeks with a concussion. You just might blurt out something you will regret. Buh-bye, Ohmyhead. Personal injury lawyers across the country are hiding under their beds and hoping you won't call.
Until next we mock. :wave: