How my MouseFest weekend got messed up................

[kathleena]

...........and what I've been dealing with for the past few weeks about it.

I haven't been online much since the beginning of October due to a project making me work extra hours and a vacation and two weekends away. Right before everything got so busy, I was going to post about a Friday WWTBAM meet, then saw the time of the Muppets meet and decided maybe to try another time slot so they don't interfere, and then things got away from me and I lost it!

Since then - my supposedly all-to-myself four day getaway has been hijacked! :shock: DH's friends have decided to "join us". Now, that's good for DH, as he now has a golfing buddy. Not so good for me, as I now have someone theme parking-it with me. I haven't broken the meets to her yet, as I'm still trying to figure out what I can and can't/should and shouldn't do.

So how did I get from planning my first MouseFest in Sept, to thinking about how am I going to regain my time here????? I've spent the last few weeks helping them find a hotel, find tickets, rebooking ADRs, rebooking golf tee times, coordinating with other friends who also will be there etc etc etc. I think we are finally set, but this whole time I'm thinking - geez, this is gonna mess with my weekend! I have to talk with her about Kona on Sunday and tell her about brunch, MegaMeet and Tree Lighting on Sat. Yikes, it's just stressing me out (OK, so not really, I'm just looking for some sympathy !!! :cry: )

Anyway, my alternate idea for WWTBAM was to have a Soarin' meet on Sat before the brunch, but now I have to talk with her about that too. They are driving up that morning and I feel compelled to wait for her to arrive as they are coming directly to our hotel. The boys are playing golf at 10, so I assume they will be there by 9, but yikes, I would be at Epcot at rope drop otherwise. I suppose I could have her meet me at Epcot..............

So, thanks for letting me vent. Tell me if I'm being too accomodating, or if you would do the same. I just feel like I have to play somewhat of a hostess role here and smile about it. But I'm really feeling hijacked! :(

Next time - I plan my MouseFest trip and tell no one except you guys! :D

[lynner5996]

Good plan, Kathleena - we are the only ones who need to know!

[Bookwood]

I'd explain the situation- she ? may be thrilled with the idea of meeting us- who wouldn't be :rofl:
she may be the "unpack and relax after the trip type too!" Or she may feel fine about going it on her own. Anyway I think you have to be honset with them and we'll all keep our fingers crossed we get to have some of your time at Mousefest! :xfingers:

[Ursulinda]

Sounds like she's Mrs. DH's friend and the two men decided to golf together and well the little women can entertain each other. You can be assertive without being rude, and it's past time that you do so.

I would definitely be upfront and honest about it with ms dh's friend's spouse - NOW!

Not tentative, not hesitant, but "This is what I have planned and am committed to do. What do you have in mind for this weekend?" If she's a grown up, she should understand. Perhaps you all could meet for dinners.

She may just be coming to accommodate her husband, in which case he can come alone; she may be a closet disnut and be thrilled about meeting us. or she may sympathize and arrange her time otherwise.

Or she may be a naughty word and say I expect you to be at my beck and call every minute and do just what I want to do - but somehow, I doubt it. And if she is, you need have no compunction about dropping her like a hot rock, imho, unless she is the boss's wife, which is a whole other issue.

Life is FAR too short to get corralled into entertaining someone you don't want to - you've already served your time as their unpaid travel agent. If you do not speak up, you will be angry and resentful and that bodes ill for the weekend anyway.

Just the old lady's opinion here - I've turned over a new leaf after many years of "pleasing" others.

[ddoll]

Just an FYI.....

Last year I brought two of my friends with me to MF. Neither one of them was an internet website fan. They just wanted to go to Disney with me.

I told them of my plans and there were a few meets they came to with me. Meets that would be fun for anyone: rides, the MVMCP meet, the Illum cruise, etc. Anything else that I would be just gabbing with people they didnt' know, I told them to go off and have fun and I'd catch up with them later. It worked out fine for all of us.

[mommyfin]

"This is what I have planned and am committed to do. What do you have in mind for this weekend?"

I agree with Ursulinda !
It doesn't sound like you consider this woman a friend, or you wouldn't mind bringing her along.
You were/are way too excited about all the Mousefest plans you've made to let your hubby's friend's wife ruin it for you.
Now you just need a polite way to let her know that you're already pretty booked up for the weekend, but you'd be glad to give her a few great ideas on what she can do while the hubbys are golfing.

You mentioned having to change ressies to include them, so it's not as if you'll be blowing her off all weekend, just when you have other commitments.
She knows she's joining you on a vacation you ALREADY had planned, so it should not offend her that you already have other commitments during that vacation.

Maybe she's not a big theme park person, and would rather just sleep late and sit by the hotel pool anyways!
Good luck!

[GloriaK]

I understand your quandry because I almost had someone decide at the last minute to join me for Mousefest. This is a co-worker and although we get along fine at work I was really nervous about being with her for extended time periods(she works at a different branch).
Luckily she is wanting to buy a home within the next year or so and so every penny counts right now since she is a single lady. I will bring her back something with castles and be very happy to do it.
I am so relieved!!
Kathleen....do not despair and be sure to let her know what your Mousefest plans are ....you have set up ADRs together so there will be plenty of togetherness.
Hey.....let her know about the spa at the GF!

[Collette]

Two things I've decided: One was several years ago. I saw a woman on the Oprah show who said that never again was she going to do anything she really didn't want to do. Sometimes I have to rein myself in :lol: , but most of the time I've found a good balance. The other thing I decided is that I will never spend precious WDW time with anyone except my family and my online Disney friends.

I just feel bad about this hijacking :( Gosh, you were already planning this fun trip with all of your online companions and your DH and now you are "supposed" to accomodate the add ons. :cry: sympathy on its way.

I think you have already done plenty as hostess.

What Linda said :)

Collette

(Why does it always have to be so complicated to stand up for ourselves???)

[WillCAD]

Someone else inviting themselves along on your trip, which you had already planned, is extremely rude, and does not obligate you in any way to entertain her or spend any time at all with her.

If your DH and her DH planned this whole thing together without asking you, just so they can play golf, then this poor woman is the innocent victim in all this, but so are you. Again, you are under no obligation to entertain her; explain to your DH in no uncertain terms that it was rude of him to expect you to entertain this poor woman, and that it's not your responsibility to take care of her while the boys ditch you two for golf. If that leaves her forcing her own DH to miss out on golf so that she's not alone on vacation, that's not your problem, either.

The whole thing hinges upon explaining to the woman that you are already committed to MouseFest, and that if she wants to tag along, that's fine, but if she thinks she will be bored, she should talk to her DH and make their own plans instead.

None of this is your fault, your problem, or your responsibility, Kathleena. Calmly and politely explaining to all involved that you already have plans for the weekend should do the trick; if they are reasonable people, they will make allowances and leave you to your stuff. If they are not reasonable people, then you can be unreasonable as well, and have a clear consience.

[kathleena]

You guys are all making me feel so much better! :grouphug1: I think this all goes back to being raised by my over-accomodating mother, who had a way of making me feel guilty if I didn't bend over backwards for everyone. Not that I am blaming her at all - she was a precious woman and really loved by many people - including me! It's just ingrained in me to think that I need to do the adapting now!

And I know you are right when you say I am already making accomodations so knock off the guilt trips about the rest! I will just shore myself up and say that's all I'm doing - by gosh! :)

I have met her once at the golf course - but her DH and mine have played golf together for over 15 years. I have already told her that I have some things planned for Sat, but haven't told her what and how many. I think I will just call her this week and tell her everything that's going on and invite her to join in. If she doesn't want to, then we can just meet up in between the events.

Whew! Thanks for helping me through this. :youRock: Now I just need to find a ride to Kona on Sunday!

[Ursulinda]

I am SO pleased to see your understanding and courage. We CAN overcome our mother's training - I had one like that too, so I understand. YOU ROCK Kathleena!

Where are you coming from - to Kona?

[ColoradoBelle]

Yes, we are of an age where we feel guilty if we don't try to accommodate the wishes of others. yet the silliness of it is that she might be trying, at the same time to accommodate you...so it becomes a game of sorts.

You are so RIGHT in calling her and showing her your 'schedule'. Hopefully you can explain each event and ask her to tell you which of them appeal to her. Thank GOD for cell phones...because she can run off and do Soaring while you are at Merry Mixer (if she thinks MM isn't gonna be fun for her) and then you can meet up for the next event and so on. This woman might just LOVE tagging along. Or she may end up being a loner worried that YOU will be offended if she needs time alone.

So laying it all out and being open about your priorities, but at the same time your graciousness should she want to join you...is a gift to the friendship.
I'm really happy that you decided to do what you are doing!

Now for a little story: last year I decided to go to WDW and invited my two Tampa friends who had passes and my sister from PA who didn't. I didn't either. So, to accommodate my sister I was prepared to go commando style. But to accommodate my friends who ended up coming late and leaving early...well, I wasn't sure what to do. And while I worried the whole time that everyone was happy, I ended up not being very happy myself and feeling cheated cause they (the friends) didn't want to go see wishes...and they had never seen it before!!!!!! (heresy). My sis and I had seen it the night before at MVMXP and we wanted to share it with them....but they would rather eat.
BUT...and this is the point of the story...instead of jsut saying: we would rather eat and you guys go...they just 'got lost' and so we waited and waited back at the room and finally ended up missing wishes AND dinner. Now I 've learned that they were being passive aggressive...and while they may have been doing so in an attempt to 'not tell us what they really wanted', it still messed up our plans.
I now am an advocate of just saying what I want and making sure the other side knows that if they want to join me, I'll welcome them, but if they have other plans...then we can hook up later. I'm not overly GOOD at this yet, but I am trying.

Whew...long...sorry. BUt life is too short to worry so much about your 'friends' stuff...tell her what you want and let her decide!!!! Go for it, K!!!
(and looking forward to seeing ya this trip!)

[Ursulinda]

Kathleena? Any news?

[kathleena]

Hi! I'm back! Busy last three days, out to a class, started working my weekly shift at TDS, dept outing to Harry Potter..................finally get online this morning!

Anyway - I called her the other day and told her all about MF and the meets. Told her which ones I was going to on Sat and said she was welcome to come along or do her own thing and meet up later. Her basic response was "that sounds wonderful" but - keep in mind - I don't know her at all so no idea if that is her standard response or not. So she will have my cell phone for Sat AM and maybe meet up for Brunch at the Ball, maybe to to the MMM and I would say definately go to the tree lighting. And I told her that I was going to the breakfast as long as I could find a ride, and if she wanted to go to call me before she leaves for Florida (which is tomorrow) so I could get her on the list. Otherwise, I will meet her at the AK Sunday after breakfast.

Whew! I feel like I have done my duty, thankyouverymuch!

And Ursalinda - I'm staying at OKW. I put my name on the thread for the buses from POP and also I'm on the car pool thread, but I think I have to change my resort on that one!

Thanks again all of you for your encouragement. Just knowing that others feel the same way I do validates it all and let's me know I'm not just being selfish! (Thanks, Mom, to you too!)

[Ursulinda]

Kathleena, YOU DID GREAT!

Doncha just feel Wonderful now? :minnie: I can't wait to meet you :)